100 miles

I hit the 100 milestone yesterday and totally forgot to blog about it! I did it, in 37 days and I feel so good. I know it isn't much of an accomplishment, but I felt inspired by someone and in doing so I have inspired a few other people to do it as well. I hope they feel  as impowered on when they reach that goal as I do! It truely does give you something great to work for. Now as for my next goal.....are you ready?......it's a big one.... 1000 miles by October first 2012. That is 2.75 miles per day for 365 days! I know I won't possibly be able to walk everyday, but I am going to fight like crazy to reach this goal. I took today off cuz I deserved it, but tomorrow it is on! I will blog every so often for those of you who want to check on my progress and if anyone wants to join me, then hop on the train and lets go!!!

Just a thought

It makes me very sad to see how many people in this comp are not blogging. Have they given up? On life? It is very heartbreaking to see. You all need to know that you are worth it! 
On a lighter note, there are only 4 days left in this comp and I have only 12 miles to go. I am right on track. Although I did not win any money at all in the competition, I learned so much. I love my family and I know now that my husband ifs worth being healthy, my kids are worth being healthy, and I am worth being healthy. It is just walking afterall, but every step I take is a step closer to a longer, healthier life!

Taking a chance!

 So with just 10 days left in this months comp and 30 miles to go on my 100 mile goal I decided I wanted to finish strong and celebrate my 100 mile trek on the last day of the competition. I have moved my walk goal up by 8 days and I know I can do it! Today I did 5 miles and burned almost 700 calories, while reading the book "The Help"! That leaves me with 27 miles. I have to walk 3 miles a day for the last 9 days to hit my goal! I plan on winning some money this month!

Hmm

I don't know why but I cannot leave anyone comments. It says that my account doesn't have access to blogs! Anyway to everyone, Mandi, Amy, Mindy, Jeannette, Karilynn, Brandy and the list goes on (sorry girls) Keep up all your good work and thank you for your positive feedback!

Just keep walking

 So I started my 100 mile trek 18 days ago and have walked 50 miles. I am halfway to reaching my goal of 100 miles and I still have 28 days left tell my anniversary. It feels really good to be active and to see the numbers going both up and down. I know it seems silly, but to me if feels like I am accomplishing something great. I just hope that when I am through with this, I can set a higher goal and just keep walking. My 33rd birthday is 37 days from my anniversary. How many miles should I plan to walk before then?

Feeling impowered

So when this comp started I was really motivated and I lost a few pounds the first month. Then I lost 1 pound the second. By the third month I had lost my mojo and put back on the pounds I had lost the last two month. I had a doctor appointment where I was told that my cholesterol was too high and I needed to get it lower in the next six months our be put on meds. This scares the hell out of me. The number one leading killing in women my age is heart disease and with my numbers being as high as they are, I am no exception. So I found a new motivation. Lower my cholesterol. I had about 50 days until my 12 year Anniversary. Why not make a goal set for that date. Walking is one of the things he said I could do to help so the 100 miles goal was set in my mind. And guess what, I lost 3 pounds this month. And that was starting in the middle of the month. So I am going to continue on my journey and by the next weight in, I should almost be at my 100 mile goal and hopefully down twice as many pounds!

100 mile walk

 My anniversary is on October the 8th. I am setting a goal to walk/run 100 miles by October 8th. I have 45 days to meet my goal. That is an average or 2.25 miles a day. It is just a start but I would like to see if setting a number goal will motivate me to work out. Now to start out with mile 1.

Oops

 I missed yesterday. My friend came to visit and I was preoccupied all day. I haven't lost any weight and won't win any this month anyway. I just haven't gotten into the spirit of it. My mind has been worrying about other things and not about losing weight.  I have been having a lot of chest pain and I already knew I had high cholesterol, but I didn't know what that meant for me. I scheduled a physical. The doctor did inform me that my cholesterol was very high, but also that my ldls (the bad stuff) is really high. I have to limit my saturated fat intake and try to get it down or I will put on meds for it in 6 months. I am 32 years old and am at risk for cardiovascular disease. He did on ekg of my heart and told me that everything was fine, but I am not convinced. With my ldls being that high, you can bet that my arteries are full of plaque. To top that off he had me fill out a survey to check my level on anxiety. It was going  to be high, I have known for a long time that there was something wrong with me. I am always irritated. It doesn't take very much at all for me to get mad and I worry all the time about everything. I knew I probably needed meds but have always felt that people take meds so that they don't have to face reality. I don't want to be co dependent on something to make it through each day but I also don't want to feel so out of control and angry all the time. According to the survey I have severe anxiety. Oh and OCD. No surprise there, I am sure everyone around me has known that. The doctor suggested counseling as well as meds. Celexa. I got the prescription filled and that night when I went to take it I stared at the bottle wondering if I really wanted to go down that road. I decided that I may as well give it a try. They say it takes 2 weeks at least to feel the full effects of the medicine, but I am already noticing a huge difference, as well as side effects. I feel sick to my stomach all the time but I figure that this will pass as soon as my body gets used to it. I also yawn all the time. This is a really weird side effect I think, like something in the medicine tells your brain to yawn. I am hoping that this will also pass. As for difference in my mood, I am noticing a huge amount of calamity. Maybe to much. I don't feel as motivated to do things, like clean or make dinner. On the other side, I feel like I would have to literally force myself to get mad about things. And there has been a few things in the last 3 days that I know would make me really mad. Like the kids fighting or someone spilling there drink all over the carpet. These are things that have really irritated me on a daily basis and I get so angry so quickly that I am yelling and screaming at the kids for it. Now I don't get mad or even the slightest bit upset. I just shrug my shoulders, clean up the mess, or ask the kids to stop and walk away. I can picture myself before and how I would react and I feel like, I couldn't blow up that even if I wanted too. Was I really that bad before? How can one little pill change you so much?

Getting it together

We had a big family reniuon this weekend. It was awesome. There was about 60 people there and some I haven't seen in a very long time. It was busy and I was running around so much I slept great the last 2 nights. I didn't need to medicate because my body and brain were so tired. It made me realize something, I need a job! Not for money really, well yes for money, but just so that I an actively doing something.
I was training to do a tri with Kari in two weeks, but have been having alot of pain in my chest and my back behind my left shoulder blade. I decided that the tri is probably not a good idea for me right now and I made an appointment for a physical. I feel like my heart, at times goes into a-fib, and I just want to make sure I am ok before I really start working out hard. I am excited for the ladies that have won the past two months and very embarrassed that I haven't really lost anything, but I know I have not really been putting forth the effort. School is going to start in two weeks and life is just kinda crazy. I need to be on anxiety meds but don't know anything about them or what kind is best for me. I am nervous for this doctors appointment and for what he might tell me, but I know it's been a long time coming and I need some answers.

It's just not working

Is anyone else feeling as bummed out as I am? I really feel like I am stuck at this weight. It does not want to come off. I am beginning to wonder if I am harvesting a tape worm or something. I just can't seem to lose any weight and I am trying really hard!

Harry Potter

I just go home from seeing Harry Potter. It was so good.  As far as weight loss goes, it just doesn't seem to be taking. I am trying to see if I have enough strength and will power to do a triatholon with Kari next month. I have been riding my bike to the gym everynight, doing zumba, lifting weights and swimming laps. I don't know how well this is helping me with losing weight. I seem to be staying just where I started, but I do feel stronger. I hope you are all doing fabulous.

Start Your Engines

 It's a new month. Time to really get the ball rolling. In the  last month I have discovered that, I don't need soda to function., as long as there is fruit around I don't feel like eating candy all the time, and couponing, though nice because it says you money, is not very beneficial when you are trying to make healthy chooses. I want to lose 5 pounds this month but I don't want lose muscle mass to do it. I am going for a slow and steady thing. Not a jump out of an airplane mission. If I can lose 3 pounds in a month just from making better choices and occasionally exercising, how much can I lose from constant exercise. Last time I lost this 20 pounds I was extreme dieting and working out all the time. This is not a way of life I can keep up on and when the competition was over I just put it all back on. This time around I am trying to make changes that I can really stick with. Small steps that will become habits I don't want to break. Congrats to Jeanette, Amanda and Robyn and good luck to everyone this week.

Last Minute!

 So today I completely forgot that I had to blog today. I was reading all day yesterday the only Nicholas Sparks book I haven't read yet and then today I was reading the Hunger Games, pretty much all day. I just looked at the clocked and realized that it's been ten days. Sadly I think that in the past ten days I have managed to put back on what little weight I have lost. I just haven't found that thing that gets me ticking. That motivation. And as I sit in typing this and eating a banana split at 10 oclock I can't help but wonder.. Do I even really want to lose weight?

10 days

     I am just writing this quick blog to stay in the 10 day limit.
Accomplishments: No Soda for 2 weeks! I am staying within my calories,  eating as little fat as possbile and alot of protein. I have eaten breakfast every day. I have switched from snacking on candy bars and chips, to snacking on fruits! Mostly WATERMELON! I haven't had to take ibprofuen for headaches in at least a week, which is great cuz I was taking 6 a day at least.
  Sadly I am finding time to exercise hard and I am not really seeing a big difference on the scale. It can be discouraging but I am happy with the diet changes I have made. Let's see what 10 more days brings me!

Losing the race before I've even started running.

  This competition has just started and I already feel defeated. I feel like nothing that I do is ever really going to be good enough. The expectations I set for myself are so much higher then I am capable of and when I fail, I am devastated.  For instance, today is Zacks' birthday. He is turning 10. I asked him if cupcakes would be okay because I know my limitations when it comes to cake decorating and although I envision this amazing cake it my head, I know I lack the artistic ability. Store bought cakes are pretty pricey and not really the best tasting. But cupcakes are easy to make. Well he wanted a cake not cupcakes so I thought, I can do this. I can make him a cake. I just purchased the decoration kit from the bakery and a few boxes of cake mix. He wanted a Pirate theme and what he got was Jack Sparrow standing atop a big brown mess. Epic failure. The cake actually tastes really good but it really looks like someone took a dump on a cookie sheet. It fell apart when I cut into it and from then on I just didn't care. I am actually considering not inviting anyone over tonight because I am so mortified by this cake. I feel like such a failure. As a mom, as a daughter, as a wife, and as a sister. Just a short chubby failure.


   This is why I am hitting this weight loss snag. I think that before I joined the comp I had decided that I had peaked. I had 29 years of being small and petite, but the universe has shifted for me and I have to just except the fact that my time is done. I am getting older and heavier and that is just the way it's meant to be. If drinking soda makes me happy then why shouldn't I drink it. I don't feel any happier without it. I have been excersing and eating low calories, less fat, more proteins and fruit and drinking more water, but according to the scale I am not really progressing.  I am just staying the same. A few months back I did Jillian Michaels 30 days challenge. At the end of the 30 days I still weighed the same. Granted I wasn't dieting like I should have been but to have no change at all in weight is very discouraging. For some reason I just feel like I am stuck as I am and nothing that I do is going to make a difference.  I know this competition is supposed to be about encouraging each other to keep going, but these thoughts have been weighing me down and I needed to get them off my chest.  I, in no way want to make anyone feel hopeless, I just want you to know that if you are feeling this way, you are not the only one.

Where did I go?

    
Where did I go? What a good question. Lately I have found that I don't really know who I am. I am wife of 11 years, a mother of 4, a sister and a daughter, but who am I really. And more importantly, how did I get trapped in this prison I call day to day life. I go to bed very late, wake up late, play on Face book, deal with kids, cook and then just sit around watching whatever I have DVRed until I finally fall asleep. Sometimes I wonder why I even get out of bed. There is nothing about me that is even remotely important or special. I am just another lazy house wife who sits on the computer all day doing nothing worth while, drinking too much Dr. Pepper and eating too much chocolate. I feel empty.

   I have always been pretty petite and those of you that know me personally may wonder what the hell I am doing in a Weight Loss competition. Well I will tell you what I am doing. I am going to find myself again.

  My Amazing Sister Kari Adams, has been such an inspiration to so many people including me and when she said she wanted to do another comp, I just couldn't resist. What a way to motivate someone to get off the computer and get moving. And with her living right next door to me, I know I will get my daily dose of motivation.

  Two years ago I did a competition in my neighborhood and won. Not very many people joined this comp. and there wasn't really any prize money, but the thrill of winning something kept me going. I was working out and following a very strict low calorie diet. There wasn't a week that went by that I didn't loose a pound and in the end ending up loosing 18 pounds. 18 pounds, not very much you say, but for someone who is barely 5 feet tall, 18 pounds was a whole lot.  I had started out at 118 and ended at 100. I hadn't weighed 100 since before my first baby was born and I was so excited. When the comp ended I was working alot. 2 jobs actually as a Catering Assistant for a Tech School in the Culinary department and also as a server. I did alot of walking when I was serving and not a whole lot or eating. I would work doubles on Saturdays and Sundays and probably walked 5 miles at least, a day just from waiting tables. I learned how to resist eating everything in sight and was constantly reminding my coworkers how many calories were in everything they were eating. ( Annoying, I know). But I felt good. I felt like a women again and not just a mom anymore. I felt sexy. In the midst of feeling so good about myself, I found more faults in my marriage. I wanted more then I was getting in return. I was no longer content with the way things had always been. I needed something more. I am happy to say that I did not indulged in the fantasies I had conjured up in my head, and the experience opened up the lines of communication between my hubby and I. He even lost 50 lbs and for a while there we were both looking fantastic.
But life has a way of making things difficult for us. All the guilt I had been feeling seemed to feel like a ton of bricks and I just needed to escape. I quit both of the jobs I had and decided I needed to be a stay at home mom. Work for my husband was very slow, I honestly don't know how we managed to get through the year.

  So here I am, a year later from the time that I stopped working. A year of sitting at home everyday. A year of poor diet and almost no exercise. A year of feeling meaningless and worthless. And in that year, I have gained 22 pounds. 22 pounds or pure fat! My cholesterol is somewhere in the 250's and my body fat percentage is in the 30-40 range. I am 5 feet tall, 32 years old and most likely on my way to heart disease or a stroke. I stopped caring about myself and just let myself go. I need a change. I need a goal. I need something to make me want to get up in the morning. I need to look at myself in the mirror and feel like a sexy women, not a frumpy mom. I need to feel as young as I look.  I need all of you and you need me too. Let's start today, and change tomorrow! Bring on the competition.