This competition has just started and I already feel defeated. I feel like nothing that I do is ever really going to be good enough. The expectations I set for myself are so much higher then I am capable of and when I fail, I am devastated. For instance, today is Zacks' birthday. He is turning 10. I asked him if cupcakes would be okay because I know my limitations when it comes to cake decorating and although I envision this amazing cake it my head, I know I lack the artistic ability. Store bought cakes are pretty pricey and not really the best tasting. But cupcakes are easy to make. Well he wanted a cake not cupcakes so I thought, I can do this. I can make him a cake. I just purchased the decoration kit from the bakery and a few boxes of cake mix. He wanted a Pirate theme and what he got was Jack Sparrow standing atop a big brown mess. Epic failure. The cake actually tastes really good but it really looks like someone took a dump on a cookie sheet. It fell apart when I cut into it and from then on I just didn't care. I am actually considering not inviting anyone over tonight because I am so mortified by this cake. I feel like such a failure. As a mom, as a daughter, as a wife, and as a sister. Just a short chubby failure.
This is why I am hitting this weight loss snag. I think that before I joined the comp I had decided that I had peaked. I had 29 years of being small and petite, but the universe has shifted for me and I have to just except the fact that my time is done. I am getting older and heavier and that is just the way it's meant to be. If drinking soda makes me happy then why shouldn't I drink it. I don't feel any happier without it. I have been excersing and eating low calories, less fat, more proteins and fruit and drinking more water, but according to the scale I am not really progressing. I am just staying the same. A few months back I did Jillian Michaels 30 days challenge. At the end of the 30 days I still weighed the same. Granted I wasn't dieting like I should have been but to have no change at all in weight is very discouraging. For some reason I just feel like I am stuck as I am and nothing that I do is going to make a difference. I know this competition is supposed to be about encouraging each other to keep going, but these thoughts have been weighing me down and I needed to get them off my chest. I, in no way want to make anyone feel hopeless, I just want you to know that if you are feeling this way, you are not the only one.
I wanted to share a quick story with you. Hopefully to make you smile. So I am 24, and a few years ago on mothers day I thought I would bake my mom a cake so that she wouldnt have to make one. I followed the directions perfectly got it into the oven and sat back and watched. The cake started to rise like it was supposed to, but soon it was rising 1/2 inch outside of the pan! So I took a spatula and beat the cake back down! I continued to do this until it was done baking. The result, a much flatter then normal cake and me crying because I felt like everyone made fun of me because of how it looked. Years later that is the joke around the family, how I beat cakes! BUT that has not stopped me. Last summer I tried to make an Ice Cream Cake for fathers day I believe. And it turned out looking horrible because it was my first one ever, BUT it tasted amazing! And I would rather have something I poured my heart into then go to the store and pay for someone else to decorate it! If your family cant appreciate the hard work you put into it, then that is their fault. Keep baking! Dont give up! Change is tough, and in my first weight loss comp last summer I didnt loose a thing. I was pissed and frustrated and felt horrible. But after a year of figuring out how my body works I am able to loose weight. If you are anything like Kari, I know you will do great!!
ReplyDeleteeveryone has days liek this. Everyone has moments of defeat. Its when we pick ourselves up and keep going anyway.. that we learn WE are in control and WE are amazing! I <3 you! And even though I didn't eat the cake... it looked GREAT and everyone seemed oober impressed that you stuffed it full of whip cream! ;) YUM!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Karilynn... everyone has days like these. I've been having weeks like this. But, although this comp is about the weight loss if you look at all you've accomplished and how great you feel then that's gotta be worth it. A wise woman once told me, "You have to untie exercise and losing weight" Find another reason for doing it (plug in dieting if you'd like). Make it about feeling good or being healthy. That way when the scale doesn't move you're not so discouraged.
ReplyDelete