Wednesday, August 24, 2011

100 mile walk

 My anniversary is on October the 8th. I am setting a goal to walk/run 100 miles by October 8th. I have 45 days to meet my goal. That is an average or 2.25 miles a day. It is just a start but I would like to see if setting a number goal will motivate me to work out. Now to start out with mile 1.

Thursday, August 18, 2011


 I missed yesterday. My friend came to visit and I was preoccupied all day. I haven't lost any weight and won't win any this month anyway. I just haven't gotten into the spirit of it. My mind has been worrying about other things and not about losing weight.  I have been having a lot of chest pain and I already knew I had high cholesterol, but I didn't know what that meant for me. I scheduled a physical. The doctor did inform me that my cholesterol was very high, but also that my ldls (the bad stuff) is really high. I have to limit my saturated fat intake and try to get it down or I will put on meds for it in 6 months. I am 32 years old and am at risk for cardiovascular disease. He did on ekg of my heart and told me that everything was fine, but I am not convinced. With my ldls being that high, you can bet that my arteries are full of plaque. To top that off he had me fill out a survey to check my level on anxiety. It was going  to be high, I have known for a long time that there was something wrong with me. I am always irritated. It doesn't take very much at all for me to get mad and I worry all the time about everything. I knew I probably needed meds but have always felt that people take meds so that they don't have to face reality. I don't want to be co dependent on something to make it through each day but I also don't want to feel so out of control and angry all the time. According to the survey I have severe anxiety. Oh and OCD. No surprise there, I am sure everyone around me has known that. The doctor suggested counseling as well as meds. Celexa. I got the prescription filled and that night when I went to take it I stared at the bottle wondering if I really wanted to go down that road. I decided that I may as well give it a try. They say it takes 2 weeks at least to feel the full effects of the medicine, but I am already noticing a huge difference, as well as side effects. I feel sick to my stomach all the time but I figure that this will pass as soon as my body gets used to it. I also yawn all the time. This is a really weird side effect I think, like something in the medicine tells your brain to yawn. I am hoping that this will also pass. As for difference in my mood, I am noticing a huge amount of calamity. Maybe to much. I don't feel as motivated to do things, like clean or make dinner. On the other side, I feel like I would have to literally force myself to get mad about things. And there has been a few things in the last 3 days that I know would make me really mad. Like the kids fighting or someone spilling there drink all over the carpet. These are things that have really irritated me on a daily basis and I get so angry so quickly that I am yelling and screaming at the kids for it. Now I don't get mad or even the slightest bit upset. I just shrug my shoulders, clean up the mess, or ask the kids to stop and walk away. I can picture myself before and how I would react and I feel like, I couldn't blow up that even if I wanted too. Was I really that bad before? How can one little pill change you so much?

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Getting it together

We had a big family reniuon this weekend. It was awesome. There was about 60 people there and some I haven't seen in a very long time. It was busy and I was running around so much I slept great the last 2 nights. I didn't need to medicate because my body and brain were so tired. It made me realize something, I need a job! Not for money really, well yes for money, but just so that I an actively doing something.
I was training to do a tri with Kari in two weeks, but have been having alot of pain in my chest and my back behind my left shoulder blade. I decided that the tri is probably not a good idea for me right now and I made an appointment for a physical. I feel like my heart, at times goes into a-fib, and I just want to make sure I am ok before I really start working out hard. I am excited for the ladies that have won the past two months and very embarrassed that I haven't really lost anything, but I know I have not really been putting forth the effort. School is going to start in two weeks and life is just kinda crazy. I need to be on anxiety meds but don't know anything about them or what kind is best for me. I am nervous for this doctors appointment and for what he might tell me, but I know it's been a long time coming and I need some answers.