Last Minute!

 So today I completely forgot that I had to blog today. I was reading all day yesterday the only Nicholas Sparks book I haven't read yet and then today I was reading the Hunger Games, pretty much all day. I just looked at the clocked and realized that it's been ten days. Sadly I think that in the past ten days I have managed to put back on what little weight I have lost. I just haven't found that thing that gets me ticking. That motivation. And as I sit in typing this and eating a banana split at 10 oclock I can't help but wonder.. Do I even really want to lose weight?

10 days

     I am just writing this quick blog to stay in the 10 day limit.
Accomplishments: No Soda for 2 weeks! I am staying within my calories,  eating as little fat as possbile and alot of protein. I have eaten breakfast every day. I have switched from snacking on candy bars and chips, to snacking on fruits! Mostly WATERMELON! I haven't had to take ibprofuen for headaches in at least a week, which is great cuz I was taking 6 a day at least.
  Sadly I am finding time to exercise hard and I am not really seeing a big difference on the scale. It can be discouraging but I am happy with the diet changes I have made. Let's see what 10 more days brings me!

Losing the race before I've even started running.

  This competition has just started and I already feel defeated. I feel like nothing that I do is ever really going to be good enough. The expectations I set for myself are so much higher then I am capable of and when I fail, I am devastated.  For instance, today is Zacks' birthday. He is turning 10. I asked him if cupcakes would be okay because I know my limitations when it comes to cake decorating and although I envision this amazing cake it my head, I know I lack the artistic ability. Store bought cakes are pretty pricey and not really the best tasting. But cupcakes are easy to make. Well he wanted a cake not cupcakes so I thought, I can do this. I can make him a cake. I just purchased the decoration kit from the bakery and a few boxes of cake mix. He wanted a Pirate theme and what he got was Jack Sparrow standing atop a big brown mess. Epic failure. The cake actually tastes really good but it really looks like someone took a dump on a cookie sheet. It fell apart when I cut into it and from then on I just didn't care. I am actually considering not inviting anyone over tonight because I am so mortified by this cake. I feel like such a failure. As a mom, as a daughter, as a wife, and as a sister. Just a short chubby failure.


   This is why I am hitting this weight loss snag. I think that before I joined the comp I had decided that I had peaked. I had 29 years of being small and petite, but the universe has shifted for me and I have to just except the fact that my time is done. I am getting older and heavier and that is just the way it's meant to be. If drinking soda makes me happy then why shouldn't I drink it. I don't feel any happier without it. I have been excersing and eating low calories, less fat, more proteins and fruit and drinking more water, but according to the scale I am not really progressing.  I am just staying the same. A few months back I did Jillian Michaels 30 days challenge. At the end of the 30 days I still weighed the same. Granted I wasn't dieting like I should have been but to have no change at all in weight is very discouraging. For some reason I just feel like I am stuck as I am and nothing that I do is going to make a difference.  I know this competition is supposed to be about encouraging each other to keep going, but these thoughts have been weighing me down and I needed to get them off my chest.  I, in no way want to make anyone feel hopeless, I just want you to know that if you are feeling this way, you are not the only one.